So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
