We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
