"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
