Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
