I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
