Ambien. No doubt about it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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