go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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