I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
