I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
