i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
