Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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