Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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