your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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