I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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