There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
