Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
