im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
