I think my vagina is haunted
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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