He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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