Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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