it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
