Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
