I just saw a hot homeless man
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
