Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
