I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Randomize
