Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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