We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
