Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
