If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
