and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
