Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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