My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
