it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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