If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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