Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You were trust falling into bushes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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