After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
