Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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