you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i black out too much to be "responsible"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
