When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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