i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
