Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
