I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
