Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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