I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
