I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
