I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
