just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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