Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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