No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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