when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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