Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
