You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
