honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
