Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish I only lived at night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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