oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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