I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
