the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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