did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
