somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
