last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
