This is not my ceiling
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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