Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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