you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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