I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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