It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
