my being single is dangerous.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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