SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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