i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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