I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
