If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
